"Those who answer before they listen are foolish and disgraceful." Proverbs 18:13 (CEB)

"Know this, my dear brothers and sisters: everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to grow angry." James 1:19 (CEB)

It is important to help teens and young adults in your ministry develop active listening skills. These skills are especially important as they continue to navigate both in-person and online conversations. Becoming a better active listener can improve young people’s confidence, self-awareness, and overall communication skills. It can help them build stronger relationships and develop as leaders. Each of those elements can result in positive effects in the discipleship pathway or system that you guide young people through as they mature in faith.

If you find small-group discussions struggling to get traction or have uninterested youth, consider teaching and practicing the following tips to help them engage more fully in conversations.

Nine Tips for Active Listening In-Person

1. Focus on the Speaker: Pay attention to the person speaking. Avoid distractions like your phone or other people.
2. Make Eye Contact: Looking at the person talking shows you’re engaged and paying attention.
3. Don’t Interrupt: Let people finish what they’re saying before you respond. Interrupting can make them feel that you’re not really listening.
4. Use Body Language: Nod your head or smile to show you understand and are interested in what people say. Be aware of your posture and what it communicates to the speaker about how you are receiving information.
5. Ask Questions: If you don’t understand something, ask questions. This shows you’re really listening and want to learn more.
6. Repeat Back What You Heard: Summarize or rephrase what the speaker said to confirm you understood correctly. For example, “So, what you’re saying is...?”
7. Avoid Judging: Try not to jump to conclusions or judge the speaker. Just listen to that person’s perspective.
8. Stay Open-Minded: Be open to hearing new ideas, even if they are different from your own thoughts or beliefs.
9. Listen to Understand, not to Respond: As you listen, avoid planning your response while the other person is still speaking. When you think about your response before the other person is finished, you are listening to respond or argue about what is said.

You can apply some of these same tips to digital communication. Helping young people interact and listen well when conversations are not happening in person is a necessary skill in today’s world.

Ten Tips for Active Listening Online

1. Be Fully Present: Even in online conversations, whether through text or video, give your full attention to the other person. Avoid multitasking or distractions like checking social media or emails while chatting.
2. Read Carefully: In text-based communication, read the messages thoroughly before responding. This ensures you don’t miss important details or make assumptions.
3. Take Your Time Before Responding: In online conversations, especially in text, you have the opportunity to pause before replying. This gives you time to think about your response and ensure it is thoughtful and relevant.
4. Acknowledge What Was Said: You can acknowledge someone’s message by repeating key points, using phrases such as, "I see what you mean" or "So you're saying that…"
5. Ask Clarifying Questions: If something is unclear, don’t hesitate to ask for clarification. This shows you’re engaged and want to understand fully, even in a digital format.
6. Be Mindful of Tone: In text, tone can be easily misunderstood. Use emojis or polite language to help convey your intent and avoid misinterpretations.
7. Don’t Interrupt or Overwhelm: Avoid sending multiple messages or bombarding the other person with too much at once. Give them space to process and respond at their own pace.
8. Show Empathy: Even in a digital environment, showing understanding and empathy is key. You can use phrases such as “That sounds frustrating" or "I can understand why you feel that way" to convey empathy.
9. Stay Focused on the Conversation: In online forums or group chats, it can be easy to drift off topic. Stay engaged with the ongoing conversation and make sure your responses are relevant.
10. Summarize Before Moving On: Just as in face-to-face conversations, summarizing or repeating key points can ensure that you and the other person are on the same page, helping to avoid misunderstandings.