Rev. Melissa Collier Gepford

One recent Sunday morning, as I was leading my fifth-grade Sunday school class in singing “My Lighthouse,” a sudden realization hit me. No, it wasn’t that most of them were taller than I (though it is always fun to watch them surpass my height gradually over the school year). As I watched them, I saw their eyes darting back and forth. The dance motions they knew became smaller. The screaming of “HEY” was a lot quieter. Some were just standing there. Instead of freely singing and dancing as they had at the beginning of the school year, they were gauging the room to see how everyone else was acting, then following suit.

This realization dawns on me every year toward the end of the school year: my fifth graders are growing up and out of kids’ ministry. And that’s exactly how it should be. Moving from childhood to adolescence—and from kids’ ministry to youth ministry—is a big deal!

Understanding Preteens

Students transitioning into adolescence are experiencing a lot at once: cognitively, physically, emotionally, socially, and spiritually.

Preteens are starting to think in more complex ways and are developing a deeper understanding of the world around them. They’re beginning to recognize nuance, and their empathy muscles are working hard! Puberty is kicking in, and with it comes all sorts of changes—like body hair, body odors, and growth spurts. Friendships become super important during the preteen years - they want to hang out with and be around their friends more than anyone else (sorry, parents, you’re not cool anymore. I daresay, you’re beta.). With this newfound premium placed on social standing comes some challenges like peer pressure, insecurities, bullying, and big feelings.

Some additional challenges faced by preteens include negative body image, increase in potential for risky behavior, screen time management, mental health concerns, and exploring their sexualities and gender identities, all while still, ya know, going to school and juggling extracurriculars.

With all this change comes a sense of uncertainty, anxiety, and confusion. They’re starting to ask big questions, such as, “Who am I? What is a good friend? Where do I fit in?” Churches have a unique opportunity to support, care for, and nurture these young people as they navigate these changes and questions. One way churches of any size can do this is through a rite of passage, bridging fifth graders into their sixth-grade year.

Rites of Passage

Rites of passage have been around for ages, marking important life transitions. They often include phases of trial, separation, and reintegration, symbolizing personal growth. Reintegration into the community often includes a change of role or status in the collective. They receive more freedom and more responsibility, and the community treats them differently in light of their new identity.

In one of the churches I served, we spent significant time and energy on rites of passage, especially for our fifth graders transitioning into youth group. Before their sixth-grade school year began, the church celebrated them with a meaningful Sunday morning ceremony. We incorporated elements of trial, symbolic separation, and joyous reintegration to enhance their sense of purpose and belonging, and there wasn’t a dry eye in the sanctuary.

At the beginning of the Bridging Ceremony, we invited our fifth graders to the stage, each with a candle. As I was explaining rites of passage, I listed all the fun things they got to experience in kids’ ministry. We laughed and reminisced. Then I reminded the fifth graders and the congregation that they are no longer children but youth. And with this new phase of life comes new opportunities and responsibilities - fun youth group events, mission trips, new leadership roles, and so on. I reminded the parents that their children are growing up and that we get to treat them as youth instead of children. As I said, the fifth graders lit their candles. We prayed for them and invited their fifth-grade Sunday school teachers to lead them out of the sanctuary. The teachers led the students halfway to the youth room and then encouraged them to walk to the youth room by themselves, with their candles still lit. As the students separated from their former mentors, they fixed their eyes on the light of Christ and walked slowly to the youth room, where the youth pastor and entire youth group were waiting to welcome them warmly with balloons, pizza, and three youth group games. After that, they were officially sixth graders!

Integrating Preteens into Youth Ministry

Rites of passage don’t have to be as detailed as our Bridging Ceremony, but we’re missing an opportunity to help nurture the spiritual development of preteens if we go about business as usual while they’re experiencing huge milestones. Here are a few ways your church can help bridge kids into youth ministry:

• Gradual Crossover with Youth Ministry: Introduce preteens to youth activities gradually, which helps them build connections and get comfortable with their new environment.

• Empowering through Leadership Opportunities: Give preteens leadership roles within the church that can help them feel valued and involved in the church's mission.

• Transparent Communication: Keep preteens and their families in the loop about upcoming changes to ensure a smooth transition into youth ministry. Address concerns and provide clarity to help everyone feel supported.

• Offering Age-Specific Resources: Provide preteens and their families with resources tailored to their age to ensure they have the tools they need to navigate this new phase.

• Service Projects and Community Building: Encourage intergenerational service projects and shared experiences that will help integrate preteens into the broader church community.

• Adapting to Generation Alpha: Recognize the unique traits of Generation Alpha, which allows churches to adapt their approach and ensure relevant and engaging programming for preteens.

Conclusion

Guiding preteens on their spiritual journey is a sacred responsibility for United Methodist churches. It is just one of the many ways we live out our baptismal vows to be their community and support them as they grow in the faith. By understanding their developmental stages, addressing their challenges, incorporating rites of passage, and implementing thoughtful strategies for their integration into youth ministry, churches can create a supportive and transformative environment for preteens as they grow in their faith.