Written by:
Joy Kitanga

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A Letter to God

How often do we truly let God how we truly feel? Are we truly ever honest with our Lord? We disregard our emotions because we have been told and believe that the Lord is busy with more important things, such as saving starving children, caring for the sick, or looking after people affected by war. We compare our problems with others saying, for example, “Thank God, at least, I don’t have cancer,” minimizing our own emotions. We have failed to be honest with the Lord, who, indeed, cares for us and our needs.

In my struggle, I finally learned to use every means possible to reach out to my Lord, calling on Him at all time. I have learned to express my feelings about the things He calls me to do. No matter where I am, the four words of assurance I embrace are, “I AM WITH YOU.”

Here is a letter I wrote to God during my first semester in seminary in 2014 that helped me learn to be honest with God. God is with us and He cares.

It is so dark I can’t count my blessings. It is so dark I can’t see the help. How did I get here, Lord?

Dear God,

It is me Joy. I don’t know if you can hear me or not, but I am going to try to speak. I am in a dark place right now. A place where I am not sure how to come out. It is so dark I can barely feel my heartbeat. It hurts so much… I don’t know what to do but to write because speaking to you seems hard. I know you can see and hear.

I am going to write because I only have this voice remaining. You said call upon me but you seem so out of reach. You seem so Holy that I don’t feel worthy to call your name. My heart is broken. I am studying and it feels like I am wasting my time. I want to give up. I want to quit. Things are just not going right at this time. It is so dark I can’t count my blessings. It is so dark I can’t see the help. How did I get here, Lord? Are you sure you called me into ministry?

Is this the “hell” you were talking about? The hell where I am deprived from all that is good of you or from you? Where torture is not physical but mental? Or emotional? I lack peace in this place. So, deliver me, free me from this ‘hell’ so I can worship you. Free my mind from torture so I can bless your name, free me so I can see your glory. Free me so I can complete this semester honoring and glorifying you. Free me because you are God.

In Jesus’ name.

Discussion Questions: How often are you honest with God? Where in your life do you see God at work? When in despair, how do you reach out to the Lord?